You can only only only work to change yourself. It is NOT your job to change anyone else. They must desire to change on there own.
If we are trying to change another we are trying to please ourselves. There is no way you can know what is best for another.
In a mocking tone, Abraham (Jerry and Esther Hicks) describes that thought process of telling others they need to change…
“Money and the Law of Attraction” by Jerry and Ester Hicks
“..Since I am your employer, since I am your mother, or since I am your father, or since I am your teacher, [or spouse], I have been assigned the task of looking at you. And when I look at you, I want to feel good. Which means you need to perform in ways that make me, ME! ME! ME! feel good. I don’t want you to be selfish.”
I love this quote! It points out the selfishness in trying to change another.
Work to change only yourself.
For you parents out there freaking out because of that last statement, here is another quote to clarify this in regards to parenting:
“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts…
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”
– The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran
Remember, your child is unique. Don’t expect them to be a mini-you.
We are not talking about things that need a time-out here. If your kids is hitting someone, yes, give them a time-out. But allow there personality to be there own.
Are you quite and reserved and your child talkative? Perhaps you can learn to share more based on your child’s example. Perhaps from watching your good listening skills your child will also learn how to be a good listener. Forcing your child to not be their bubbly talkative self is not going to help them in the long run.
Same goes for your adult-children. Sometimes you have to let them “make their own mistakes” because for THEM it might not be a mistake. Allow.
Teach by example. Let them see you showing kindness, being gentle, practicing patience, etc. then allow them to decide for themselves.
One last brilliant quote on the matter:
Messages for the Masters, Brian Weiss, M.D.
“It is well known that happiness comes from within. Happiness is an inner state. You will not miraculously become happy if someone else changes, or if the outside world changes, but only if YOU change. “
Do not waste your time thinking that if someone else changes you will miraculously be happy… it’s an inside job! Remember, you may tell whomever is bothering you that you might not be appreciating a behavior of theirs, and politely ask them to do something else, but you can not force them to stop their behavior. You can however:
1. change how you relate and react to their behavior, or
2. change the amount of contact you have with them, or
3. change your attitude about the situation (See the chapter titled “Change Your Attitude”)
Takeaway: Work to change only yourself. It’s not your job to presume you know what is best for another.