Go from “Internet Nobody” to “Heavy Weight Viral Influencer” in a Day

It’s a number’s game out here in internetland. How many followers do you have? How many views has your video received? How many shares and tweets has your blog post gotten this week? If your numbers are low, forget about it – you’re a nobody in the internet world. So how do you go from “Internet Nobody” to “Heavy Weight Viral Influencer” in a day?
Unscribble it! Look for the deeper desire and ask yourself, “Why do you want to be a heavy weight internet influencer?”

Most bloggers I talk to are looking for a way to express themselves and influence the world in a positive way. By the very act of writing your blog you are fulfilling your desire to express yourself. But what about influencing the world?

If you are an internet nobody and are looking to help transform the world on the internet, well… “good luck!” (As an internet nobody I feel I can say that.) Let me clarify here, I’m not saying to not blog. Definitely do! If you are struggling blogger, your reach on the internet may be small, but go for it anyway, as you never know who you might touch. And eventually the amount of people you touch will grow.

BUT, and here is the big but of it all:

In your quest for influencing the world in a positive way, you need to ask yourself, “is it all about the numbers and is it all about the internet?”

Or could you have a positive impact on the world in other ways? Being the next Chris Brogan or Liz Strauss of the world is ONE way to influence the world (seriously, they are awesome), but there are other ways you can impact the world too. (P.S. There always are.)

Unfortunately in the real world, we don’t always get the instant gratification and validation of the numbers. We don’t get to see “the numbers” of the effect we have had.

Think about it. What if every act we did came with a status bar similar to our blog posts? We say, “hi,” to our neighbor and ask them how they are and we get five likes and a share. We pick up some trash and get 10 shares, 50 tweets and five comments. I wonder how it would change the world and our interactions if we could see the numbers and get the ROI on our acts of kindness. Would the nice lady down the street get a book deal because she has a ton of fans and everyone she waves and smiles at just loves her and “likes” her over and over again?

Every small act of listening, smiling, supporting, hugging, validating, or whatever will have a ripple effect around you. So even if you aren’t an internet influencer, you are always a real world influencer. It’s not something we will ever be able to accurately measure, or get a true ROI on, but it could actually “virally” change the world with your actions. You could influence the world with your actions, and guess what you already do!

So now you know you are indeed an influencer whether you like it or not, but you still want to be a “Viral Heavy Weight Influencer.” Totally possible! Just take a look around you and take action. But let me warn you, unfortunately you won’t get any numbers to prove it. BUT if your real desire is to change the world in a positive way, you still can.

Take a look at Jim Cotter. Jim is a “Viral Heavy Weight Influencer” in every sense, but he doesn’t have the numbers to prove it either. He’s a man who is literally painting his town. He is volunteering his time and resources to fix up his town. (See the video here: Heavy Weight Viral Influencer.) But the sad part is that we don’t get to see his numbers. He doesn’t get to measure the full impact of his acts of kindness. So if you ask anyone in internetland who Jim Cotter is, he’s a nobody. Ask anyone in the real world… and they probably won’t know him either. But it doesn’t matter. He’s not acting in a manner to boost his numbers, yet, he is having a huge viral effect on the world. He’s a real world heavyweight influencer.

If your true desire is to be a “Viral Heavy Weight Influencer” and you are still building your internet following, take a look around your community – my guess is you will find a park that could use some cleaning up, a Boys and Girls club that could use volunteers, or an elderly neighbor’s gutter that need some cleaning. Can you imagine the viral impact you could have in the world by getting involved in the real world? You won’t see the “numbers” that your act has on the world, but you will be influencing the world in a positive way. In a way that just might go viral; people can’t help themselves but want to act nicer when they see others doing nice things. Your big kind acts will go viral, baby!

So, for all the small time bloggers looking to influence the world, remember, you already are influencers with your small acts in the real world. If you are desiring to be a “Viral Heavy Weight Influencer” just look around your REAL world environment, and you will find opportunities.

If Jim Cotter can be a “Viral Heavy Weight Influencer,” so can you! Just look around!

 

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Write some people off

In the book (Unscribbling), I mention how:

“…problem solving and seeking your desires is not about changing other people. You can lead by example, but you can only change yourself… You can, however:

• Change how you relate and react to their behavior.

• Change the amount of contact you have with them.

• Change your attitude about the situation. (See Part 2, Chapter 7 – “Change Your Attitude.”)

I’d like to dig in a little deeper here into the second point here: changing the amount of contact you have with another. As we strive to make our lives all that we desire them to be, there will inevitably be people we are… well, not in alignment or agreement with. Now these people might be “Angelic Agitators” (see Spiritual Side Note: The bigger picture of struggles & “Angelic Agitators”), but they also might be here to make you clarify the type of people you really do want in your life.

The same way we can find what we do desire through our problems and struggles, we can also find the types of people we do want in our lives by examining our relationships and making conscious choices as to which relationships we work on and which ones we “write off” if necessary.

There are a couple of ways we need to give ourselves permission to possibly write someone off:

1. The natural way

Once you have identified your desires in life and start working towards them, it will be natural for some new people to come into your life and for some others to drop away. The ones that drop away will be the ones who are not in alignment with the new life you see for yourself. Who your close circle of friends are naturally changes over time as you evolve. This is natural.

2. The conscious choice way

Sometimes you need to pull the weeds from your garden to let the flowers grow. Some relationships are just not mutually supportive. As you think about what you desire in your life, you should also take the time to think about the types of people you would like to be in your life. Think about how you desire your relationships to look and feel, and who you want to invest your time with.

One of my desires for my relationships is to be in mutually supportive loving relationships. In order to make that come true, I needed to dump a few people (and clients) who did not fit bill.

This is a hard thing to do. We all want to be nice, see the best in all, and help people. (Women especially!) But some people are users and drags. Some people thrive on complaining and us fawning over them. They get energy from it. (See Spiritual Side Note: The “Poor Me” drama from the Celestine Prophecy) This is where you need to consciously spend less time with certain people. You need to give yourself permission to “write them off” entirely, or as much as possible.

You may also need to stop confusing people “needing” you with them loving you. At the time it may feel good to be needed, but don’t confuse “need” with love. Loving mutually supportive relationships go both ways. The more I looked at some of my relationships, the more I could see that some were not mutually supportive and that was not love. In some I was being sucked down by constant complainers, in some I was only in their lives when it was convenient for them, in some I was actually being manipulated and taken advantage of. Those relationships did not fulfill my desires. I needed to write some of these people off. You may need to do this too.

So, right here and now, I am giving YOU permission to stop maintaining some of your relationships. Seriously, you now officially have permission to write some people off. You probably have not given yourself permission before, but now you have it!

Don’t you just feel lighter thinking about it? Some people are users, opportunists, chronic complainers, drama kings & queen, or just out for themselves. Guess what – you can let them go.

It may be hard to do. It was VERY hard for me to let some of these friends go. Very hard, as I still love and care about them and wish them well. Now, however, since all my time and energy is not being sucked into their non-stop drama abyss, I have more time for the more well balanced relationships that I have. This is incredibly freeing.

Through various rumor mills, I have heard that all of the people I have written off are miraculously still alive and doing well without me to help them out through every bump in the road. I say, “miraculously” as my ego would almost prefer that they did fall apart to prove how valuable I was to them. Ha! That is just my ego talking though. I am very happy that they are all doing well (or the same) as before. I am even more glad to hear about it from afar.

Don’t give anyone permission to take advantage of you. Give yourself permission to walk away from a relationship if it is not a healthy relationship for you.

Remember, work to change only yourself. That may mean limiting the amount of contact you have with some people in order to create the life you truly desire. You can choose your actions and reactions. And, remember…

“No one can take advantage of you without your permission.”
– Ann Landers

Foster the good relationships and let the bad ones go.

Takeaway: Not all relationships are worth your time. You need to focus on the kind of life you desire and the kinds of people you want in your inner circle. That may mean letting some people go. 

Keeping this in mind, your desire may change from,
I desire to be the best friend I can be
to
I desire to be in well-balanced relationships that are mutually beneficial to all involved.

 

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The Power of “Why?” and “Why not?”

I love the questions: “Why?” and “Why not?” My love affair with these questions goes back to junior high school. Mr. Terry Smith taught us… hmm, I believe it was called “Industrial Education.” He was also a great out-of-the-box thinker who allowed some of us to explore more than just working on wood working projects though.

During our classes he would always ask you why you were going to do something, and why not something else – constantly challenging our thinking. It was kind of annoying at first, but then it was just contagious. Especially to that pre-teen mind of mine looking to outsmart the adults around me. As he challenged my automatic pilot thinking, soon I was too. Then I could not stop asking “Why?” and “Why not?” in regards to EVERYTHING.

Needless to say, this drove my mom NUTS! I think she was actually quite proud of the fact that I was questioning things, but when you are a parent and you just want your kids to do something, you probably don’t want to hear the constant “Why?” and “Why not?” questions. (Oh, this was great fun! If you are a teen, definitely try it!)

And if something did not make sense I would just refuse to do it (still do that to this day). Or, I would reason things out with these questions until I came up with a course of action that did make sense. As my mom would shake her head at me, I would triumphantly claim, “Well, it makes sense to me, Mom.”

It was a smart ass pre-teen who got a thrill out of the questions, but an adult who really started to see the power in the questions. When you start to ask why you are doing something, you get to the deeper desire. And, as we have learned, when you get to the deeper desire it opens up many more alternatives to fulfill that desire; not just the autopilot way you were going to do in the first place.

When you ask, “Why not?” you often get to those “buts” – which we also know are hiding our desires. It also opens you up to new possible solutions.

So much power in two little questions!!

When you are continually asking why you are doing one thing, and not another, it tends to lead to more purposeful living.

Stop living on autopilot. Ask yourself “WHY are you going to do X?” Is X really what you want to do? Or what is the desire you are fulfilling with X? What other ways can you fulfill the desire behind X? Now explore, “WHY NOT do one of these other solutions?”

If you keep following these questions you will get to solutions that you might enjoy more than X.

Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.

 – Anthony Robbins

Takeaway: By asking “Why? and “Why not?” you can uncover the desires behind your actions and you can getting to a state of more purposeful and blissful living.

 

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Why do I embrace desires?

Three reasons to embrace desires:

1. It just makes more sense. Desires find the heart of our goals – the true motivation behind the goal. Pursuing a desire (with its many options to achieve it) just makes more sense to me.

Let’s look at the approach of two different sales agents. Rigid Rick has the goal to close 5 deals a month. Desire Danny has the desire to connect people in need of his company’s services with his company. They both go to networking meetings, join online user groups in their company’s area of interest, make calls to prospective target markets, and create social media campaigns geared toward their company’s interests, etc.

What happens? Can you feel the difference? Well, so can the prospective clients! The two sales people may participate in the same networking options, but the heart of what they are doing with those tools is very different.

When you get to the heart of your desires, you tend to identify desires that fit more accurately and are more heartfelt. Pursuing a more heartfelt and targeted desire will be felt by those you are interacting with.

Let’s look at it another way, feel the difference between the following goal and desire:

“I want a relationship” and

“I desire to be loving towards another”

“I want a relationship.” Sounds and feels kind of needy doesn’t it?

“I desire to be loving towards another.” Wow! Now that is someone I want to be around.

Following a true desire, not just a rigid goal, will not only bring you to the heart of your goals, but more than likely the heartfelt reason behind your goals too.

2. Desires give us something to focus on while remaining open to play within the unpredictable flow of life.

Your desires help to give you a direction, but life can be unpredictable. You have to be able to zig and zag if needed, or pick a new solution that can still fulfill your true desires if necessary. If you are stuck on one solution (or goal), you could be in big trouble.

Our desires serve us as the military’s “commander’s intent” serves them. In “Made to Stick “ by Chip and Dan Heath, the authors discuss the military’s use of a CI or commander’s intent, which is the desired end state of an operation. The desired end state being more important than the tactical plans. On the battlefield, plans (aka goals) don’t always work the way we want them to. The CI identifies the heart of the mission, like “clear the hill of the enemy,” versus more of a strategic plan, like “bring in 60 troops at 14:00 and sweep the area.” The CI does not get into the details of how that is to be done, as those plans may get thrown out the window at any moment that the enemy does not agree – messing up your plans entirely – but your intent stays the same regardless.

The Heath brothers go on to say, “You can lose the ability to execute the original plan, but you never lose the responsibility of executing the intent… When people know the desired destination, they are free to improvise as needed in arriving there.”

The commander’s intent is like your desire. When you have your desire in mind, you will be able to improvise your strategy to get there, as needed, no matter what curve balls are thrown at you. You may not be able to fulfill the goal/solution of bringing in 60 troops at 14:00 to sweep the area if you suddenly find a bridge out between the troops and the hill, but you can improvise a new solution if you know the intent to “clear the hill of the enemy.” Perhaps it is time to call in an air strike.

Knowing your desires allows you to stay open to solutions. You don’t become stuck on one solution (or goal). You stay open to all solutions, so you can zig, zag, and adapt as needed.

3. Desires lead you to take action NOW.

When you have desires in mind, they can help shape your actions in the present. Even if your strategies change, you’ll have a direction for your actions now.

For example, if you desire to be in a relationship, should you be watching TV tonight or signing yourself up on a dating service website? Which action is more likely to get you to realizing your desires?

What is important is identifying, admitting, and becoming aware of your true desires to yourself. THIS is hard work, and probably one of the reasons more people do not realize their desires.

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.“

–Napoleon Hill

 

Takeaways: Your desires help you find the heart of your motivations, and create an energy at the heart of your actions. 

Knowing your desires keeps you open to other solutions, despite any roadblocks.

Knowing your desires can shape your actions in the present.

Why not just set a goal and go for it?

I need to clarify something here. Unscribbling is NOT about goal setting. However, investigating your goals and wants can help you unlock the secret of what your true desires are by looking at their essence.

The other reason it’s not about goal setting is, well… personally I’ve always hated goals – goal–setting and all that crap. I have actually found that it works against me. So I don’t set them.

Goal–setting may work for some people, but it always seemed that when I tried to pursue a specific “goal,” suddenly there was all this pressure that went along with it. That pressure usually hurt me in the pursuit of my goals more than it helped me.

Over the years, here are some goals that I (or others) have at one time or another tried to set for me:

“Gain 3 new clients this month.” Sounds good, but in my quest to get three clients, how do I make sure they are going to be the right clients for me? And in the pursuit of “landing” these clients, am I making sure I’m actually providing a service they need? Or am I just meeting my sales quota? Can I handle three new clients a month?

“Ask out 3 guys a month.” My friend said, “It’s a numbers game.” Ah, but what if I only find one guy I’m interested in? Or what if I start to date three people, and I can’t keep all their stories straight? The “confusing their stories” scenario seems VERY likely. And where am I going to find these guys? That could be a lot of bars to visit.

“Read a book a week.” What if I decide I want to take a tango class one month, or I get sick one week, or what if ALL three guys want to go out in the same week? That might be pretty hard to read that week.

“Lose 5 pounds by next week.” Is that even healthy? Or is it just supposed to be two pounds a week…. I can’t remember. I might be able to do it if I eat nothing but fruit…. but that will probably give me the runs. I’ll definitely be cranky – I’m always cranky when I’m hungry. That’s probably not going to make those dates go well.

Agghhh!!! Pressure! And what if I can’t do it? Now what?!!!

Now that I have set these “goals” for myself, I keep focusing on the fact that I only gained one new client and he is kind of annoying, I just snort–laughed in front of the hottie I was going to ask out – making a complete fool of myself, I didn’t like the book I started, and someone brought me chocolate chip cookies and it would be rude not to eat them… I suck. I can’t do this. (Insert pity party here.)

Now I am in a tail–spin, huh? Focusing on the negative and where I fell short. Wow, where is this going to get me? Maybe I should start anew next week with my goals. Hopefully I am not haunted by my poor performance this week. But if I could not do it this week, what makes me think I can do it next week? I can’t do this. I can see why I don’t have dates and new clients. I need chocolate…

Conclusion: Goals suck!

I was discussing my loathing of goals with a friend who was baffled by my “lack of goal setting” philosophy. He could not figure out how I had accomplished so much in life without having goals. After all, isn’t that how you are supposed to get somewhere in life – set goals and strive for them?

Well, that may work for some people, but not me. I prefer to follow my desires and see where that leads me instead! Plus it is much more fun.

For example I could have set a goal for myself to: “Start my own business by the time I turned 26.” I never set that as a goal, but I did do it; because, I did desire, at the time, to learn about multiple areas of life and business, and to do more design work. Both of these desires were fulfilled by starting my own design business. (But could have been accomplished other ways too.)

Having the desires in my mind, and staying open to the possibilities, is how I decided to start my business. The project with my full–time employer was winding down after two years of steady work. It was a perfect opportunity to go out on my own and have them become a client, which would allow me to gain other clients, explore the world of other businesses AND do more design work.

Desires meet Opportunity!!!

Had I started with the goal to “start my own business by the time I am 26,” I might have opened a restaurant instead; but that probably would not have fulfilled my deeper desire to learn about multiple areas of life and do more design work. Staying clear on my desires brought me to a business that I truly love and enjoy doing.

Once you become clear on what you desire, you SEE the desire. Then you can set your INTENTIONS. When you set your intentions, it’s like you send a message to a little worker bee in our mind with a periscope. The little worker bee is called into action keeping an eye out for good solutions to fulfill the desire. But the worker bee needs its marching orders. That is why it is necessary to first become aware of your true desires – so opportunities are not passing you by that might be perfect solutions for you.

“Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and the universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request, and everything your heart desires must come to you.”

Mahatma Gandhi


Takeaway: By identifying your desires, you open yourselves up to ways of successfully accomplishing them (and a lot more) in life. 

 

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The “Golden Rule” is Messed Up

The golden rule, translated in so many ways, basically says, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” But perhaps the way I would prefer to be “unto”ed might not be the same way that you would prefer. Let’s clarify the golden rule to, “Do unto others as they would prefer to be untoed.” or…

“Do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.”
– George Bernard Shaw

Or…

“ I will treat others as I like to be treated; I will treat them as individuals, as people,… I will take time to get to know them, to respect their ways, their limitations, even as I expect others to have patience with my own weaknesses.”
–Eric Butterworth

Stop it!

In the “You are worthy of your desires” chapter of Unscribbling, we discuss the fact that, well, you are worthy. 😉

There is a section in this chapter called, “Stop doing whatever you feel is stopping you from being worthy.” Which, of course, is a serious discussion on the topic, but we have to have a little fun too, don’t we? So, for a bit of fun…

Responsibility vs. Victim (SSN)

Putting aside the whole concept that you are a co-creator in your life and that if something is in your life, YOU helped create it. (If you are a Laws of Attraction person, you know this; therefore you can never be a victim.)

If you take responsibility for everything in your life, instead of viewing yourself as merely reacting to everything around you, you will be able to create the life you desire.

Let’s look at the idea of responsibility, and why it is so important for you to take responsibility:

“…without accepting responsibility for absolutely everything in your life, you will not have absolute power to change what displeases you. If you give away even one percent of your power, whether to a god you don’t understand; to karma; to your spouse, parents, or kids; or even to the so-called ‘mysteries of life;’ that one percent could threaten to undermine all of your hopes and dreams, effectively stealing 100 percent of your power. Get rid of this illusion by accepting full responsibility.”
“Manifesting Change” By Mike Dooley

“What does responsibility mean? Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself. Having accepted this circumstance, this event, this problem, responsibility then means the ability to have a creative response to the situation as it is now. All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing.”
-Deepak Chopra

In “The Awakening Course,” Joe Vitale talks about the “Seven Keys to Breaking out of the Victim Pattern.” I recommend picking up this book and reading his insightful ideas. I would like to share one key here:

“Take 100 Percent Responsibility
You are totally responsible for your experiences in your life. You were not to blame for them; it’s not your fault; but it is your responsibility.”

Later in the book, he says:
“When you take responsibility, you’re not a victim anymore. Now you are empowered. Now you are taking control. Now you are moving forward.”

When you take responsibility, you are able to move forward empowered, and you will be a victim no more.

Takeaway: Take responsibility for your life and situation, and empower yourself to create the life you desire.

P.S. If you really want a good kick in the pants on this topic, listen to some of Matthew Ferry’s work. He has some great thoughts about how it is “always your fault.” Whoa, baby, that will get you to take some ownership of your situation. When you are not just “responsible” but it is absolutely your “fault,” you also have the power to fix it!

 

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The Limitations of Labels (SSN)

What labels do you apply to yourself? Or others?

Mother/Father
Business Person/Cop/Janitor/Artist
Black/Asian/Hispanic/White/etc.
Christian/Muslim/Hindu/Jewish/etc.

When you hear these terms, you naturally get a sense for who or what that person is all about, don’t you?… or do you?

Labels bring up paradigms about what you think a person is all about. But labeling immediately limits your understanding of who or what is before you. Once you label something or someone, you lose the complexities, and it is in the complexities where we find the true self with all it’s uniqueness.

Are all mothers loving and caring? No.
Are all fathers going to roughhouse with their kids? No.
Are all business people serious and wear suits? No.
Are all cops control freaks? No.
Are all janitors uneducated? No.
Are all artists airy-fairy and have no sense of practicality? No.
Does the color of someone’s skin or their ethnicity tell you anything about their personality? No.
Does a person’s faith really tell you what they believe? No.

There is a wonderful quote in a movie, where one of the characters asks the other if she likes kids. She answers, rightfully so, that “It depends on the kid. We don’t go around asking people if they like adults, do we?” The label tells us nothing!

Labeling others can actually limit what you see in them. We need to look beyond labels to find the true self.

“Every label is a limitation.”
Deepak Chopra, “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”

Labeling yourself is just as limiting as labeling others. Did you know people often make decisions, not based on what they think, but rather based on the thought, “What would someone like me do/think” instead?

Once you declare, “I am ___,” or “____ is ____” you lose the truth of the individual. Inevitably, the thought that follows starts with “so…”

I am ___, so I ____.
They are ____, so they _____.

Any words you use to fill in the statements above cannot be taken as facts unless you talk to the individual. And even if they seem true, the minute you declare them as true, you (again) limit your understanding.

“When you say of someone, ‘He’s a communist,’ understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on him. ‘She’s a capitalist.’ Understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on her, and if the label carries undertones of approval or disapproval, so much the worse! How are you going to understand what you disapprove of, or what you approve of, for that matter?…”
Anthony deMillo, “Awareness”

We are unique beings and we need to strip ourselves of the labels (even the ones that seem to fit), because the label will limit our understanding of both others and ourselves. We need to be our unique selves and see others as their unique selves too.

Takeaway: To truly understand anyone (including yourself), resist the urge to label them.

 

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