Change Only Yourself

Point that “you need to change” finger ONLY at yourself! Instead of thinking other people need to change, how can YOU change?

This one is so hard to keep in mind, but so important. It is not saying not to let people know when things are bothering you, but that you cannot force another to change. If you want a change, make a change in YOUR life.

This quote is from Step #1 in the Unscribbling process “Become Aware”
in Unscribbling: the art of problem solving and fulfilling your desires

Another’s desire to change, must come from them, but… (SSN)

Although you cannot work to change another, you can work to change YOUR thoughts, and thereby influence what you see and experience in your life…

“The Awakening Course” by Joe Vitale
When talking to Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len about Self I-dentity Ho’oponopono. Dr. Hew Len said, “You’ve heard the statement that you create your own reality… Well, if you create your own reality, and a mentally ill patient shows up in your experience, didn’t you create that person, too?”
(See side note “Clearing your mind of negative thoughts” for more info on Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len’s Self I-dentity Ho’oponopono technique.- Coming Soon)

Holy schnickies! That one is a mind blower!!! (I’m still trying to fully wrap my brain around this one.)

You have somehow create this situation in your reality. The only way to change your reality is to change your thoughts. Your thoughts are effecting the world! Be sure to keep your thoughts positive and on the DESIRES you want to see in your life, not the problems you see. If YOU don’t want to see mental patients in your life, keep your thoughts on mental health. If you don’t want to see poverty in your town, keep focused on your solutions to create a thriving community. Don’t focus on the lack, focus on the desire.

But even as you are focusing on your desire, don’t work to change another. You can only change your own thoughts. When you see yourself as part of the whole you see how your thoughts can effect the whole. You are not the “keepers” of anyone. You can love and accept others as they are. You can reach out a loving hand, but not grab and force another. You can work to make yourself healthy and thriving so that you can work with another if they are desiring change.

We are all part of one…

See Science of Mind February 2000 Eric Butterworth p. 32-33
“When we consider the need to make relationships of love everywhere, Cain’s eternal question comes to mind: “Am I my brother’s keeper?” In recent years we have answered in the affirmative, as can be seen in our many social welfare programs. The flaw here is that we have administered benefits, yet retained prejudice toward anyone who takes advantage of them. The overriding problem of contemporary social action is that one group is trying to work FOR the other group instead of working WITH the other group. We give money and service, we write checks and do volunteer work- but do we give brotherhood?

‘Am I my brother’s keeper?” I say, ‘Absolutely not!’ I have no right to be anyone’s keeper, and to attempt this only leads to a loss of dignity and pride – and therefore to much resentment. Rather, ‘I am my brother’s brother.’ Emerson takes it an additional step: ‘I am my brother, and my brother is me…

Under all the differences that we allow to separate us, there is a unity that binds all persons into one great whole…”

We are all part of one…

You can change your thoughts to send positive thoughts to the Universe.

When our neighbor hurts, we hurt. But when we choose to think (and maybe say), “I know things feel bad right now, but I know you are such a capable and amazing person. I know you will turn things around and your life is just going to go in such a new and exciting way.” This will help bring about a change in your neighbor. You don’t need to decide HOW or WHEN they should change. Focus on seeing them whole, healthy, thriving, and happy.

Keep your thoughts on love, acceptance and seeing what you love about them and you will find more love and acceptance in your life. Love your neighbor just as they are, love yourself just as you are. Fantasize about wholeness, healthiness, thriving, and happiness and how YOU can get there. This will bring about a change.

A couple of things may happen:

  • Your new attitude and actions may inspire.
  • If they are not wanting to change, they may find you so annoying they move or are conveniently “busy” whenever you want to spend time with them. (So you don’t see their “problem” anymore. And I am guessing you will make new friends who are healthier and don’t have the problems of your neighbor.)
  • You may learn more about acceptance and see that they, in fact, don’t have a problem that needs to be solved (by you or anyone). If they don’t see it as a problem, why should you? They need to be where they are at right now. When they have suffered enough they will work to change. Accept that and be available if they request help later. (Unless we are talking about a minor that needs help. Then tell the authorities and allow them to use the processes and procedures that are in place to help them.)
  • Your positive thoughts will help call to the universe and bring inspiration and solutions to your friend. You change YOUR thoughts so you are healthy and focusing on the possibilities. See your neighbor as the healthy thriving capable person you know them to be. (Learn more about “treating” your thoughts to positively effect others from “Basic Principles of Science of Mind” by Dr. Fredrick Bailes. But here again, you only treat those who have asked for your help.)

No matter what though, you don’t work to change your neighbor, you work to change YOUR thoughts and attitudes. Then let nature takes its course. If your neighbor asks for help, provide it if you can. Other than that, just work on yourself and your thoughts.

Takeaway: Another’s desire to change must come from themselves, not from you. Keep yourself focused on the life YOU desire. Your new thoughts will bring about the changes you want to see in YOUR life. Let that inspire and/or influence as it will.

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Work to Change ONLY Yourself (SSN)

You can only only only work to change yourself. It is NOT your job to change anyone else. They must desire to change on there own.

If we are trying to change another we are trying to please ourselves. There is no way you can know what is best for another.

In a mocking tone, Abraham (Jerry and Esther Hicks) describes that thought process of telling others they need to change…

“Money and the Law of Attraction” by Jerry and Ester Hicks
“..Since I am your employer, since I am your mother, or since I am your father, or since I am your teacher, [or spouse], I have been assigned the task of looking at you. And when I look at you, I want to feel good. Which means you need to perform in ways that make me, ME! ME! ME! feel good. I don’t want you to be selfish.”

I love this quote! It points out the selfishness in trying to change another.

Work to change only yourself.

For you parents out there freaking out because of that last statement, here is another quote to clarify this in regards to parenting:

“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts…
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”
– The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran

Remember, your child is unique. Don’t expect them to be a mini-you.

We are not talking about things that need a time-out here. If your kids is hitting someone, yes, give them a time-out. But allow there personality to be there own.

Are you quite and reserved and your child talkative? Perhaps you can learn to share more based on your child’s example. Perhaps from watching your good listening skills your child will also learn how to be a good listener. Forcing your child to not be their bubbly talkative self is not going to help them in the long run.

Same goes for your adult-children. Sometimes you have to let them “make their own mistakes” because for THEM it might not be a mistake. Allow.

Teach by example. Let them see you showing kindness, being gentle, practicing patience, etc. then allow them to decide for themselves.

One last brilliant quote on the matter:

Messages for the Masters, Brian Weiss, M.D.
“It is well known that happiness comes from within. Happiness is an inner state. You will not miraculously become happy if someone else changes, or if the outside world changes, but only if YOU change. “

Do not waste your time thinking that if someone else changes you will miraculously be happy… it’s an inside job! Remember, you may tell whomever is bothering you that you might not be appreciating a behavior of theirs, and politely ask them to do something else, but you can not force them to stop their behavior. You can however:
1. change how you relate and react to their behavior, or
2. change the amount of contact you have with them, or
3. change your attitude about the situation (See the chapter titled “Change Your Attitude”)

Takeaway: Work to change only yourself. It’s not your job to presume you know what is best for another.


Buy the Kindle version of Uncribbling Looking for a print version of Unscribbling? Click here!